Def., The act of letting go of hurt, resentment and other painful feelings towards someone who has wronged you.

I’ve always found it interesting that forgiveness is defined and talked about as an action…as something that we do. When I think back to when I was a child and I wronged someone, my mom would say “Go and apologize, say ‘I’m sorry.’” And I did. And that was that. 

But was it?

Did anyone teach us as children that there is a duality in forgiveness? That for each layer of forgiveness we offer to others there is also a layer of forgiveness that we offer ourselves? Ah. But there is.  Everytime. We have responsibility in all of it – even when we are wronged.

I can’t help but wonder how many times in life an “I’m sorry.” has been nothing more than lip service? Something we say to get us out of a sticky situation or to appease someone? We say the words, but do we mean them? Is there any thought or emotion behind them? What I have realized over the years is that we’ve missed a step in how we forgive. 

Forgiveness is a feeling from which an action is birthed. 

Sometimes forgiveness happens quickly in the moment when we think, feel and know instantly that offering an apology or asking for forgiveness is the appropriate action – and it is an action because the feeling and knowing is already behind it. Sometimes though, forgiveness is something that brews and percolates for days, weeks, months or even years before it is ready to be poured out from the heart. 

They say that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, and it is true. When we hold anger, resentment, victimhood and the like, INSTEAD of forgiveness, we are the ones that suffer…we are the ones that become prisoners to those emotions.  We then become captive to the person or the situation that “wronged” us. And over time, we can become attached to the story, attached to the feelings and even forget that forgiveness is a choice.  

And it truly is a choice. That’s what’s so beautiful about the R.A.G.S. process found in this week’s card. When we are willing (cause that’s all it really takes is a willingness) to have a conversation, or write a letter (to send or to burn) or journal out the details – to acknowledge the responsibility of each player, to seek for the lesson – how did this experience help you grow as a human? What did you learn about life, love, health, finance, family…? When we find the lesson, it is easy to fall into gratitude and when we find the gratitude of any situation, we are able to fully surrender into forgiveness.

The feeling of forgiveness that inspires action.

This week we are encouraged to notice where we have imprisoned ourselves – what/who are we to forgive that we haven’t yet forgiven? Let’s go there. Let’s give ourselves permission to find freedom through forgiveness by taking responsibility for our own emotions. Let’s forgive ourselves for choosing to hold the pain instead of the lesson and gratitude. Let’s forgive ourselves for not seeing what we now see, for not knowing what we now know, for not hearing what we now hear.  It’s all perfect, just as it is…everything we have lived has brought us to this moment in time…to this version of ourselves…and prepared us for this very time in our lives. All of our yesterdays, ALL of it, has been perfectly calibrated to our journey and in our highest purpose. 

I forgive you. I forgive me.

And so it is.

XO Juli

#findingthewellinwellness