Journal Entry #43

It has been a few days since I have checked in.  There is lots to report, but honestly, I am just too tired to even write.  Life is tugging me back into motion and I am just not ready yet.  Physically, I tire easily and my foot swells.  Mentally, I struggle to organize thoughts and chores. Emotionally, I either cry at everything or I shut down entirely.  Spiritually, I am hopeful but feeling disconnected.

We travelled to Napanee last weekend for my son’s Regional Baseball Tournament.  We took the trailer and parked it right at the ball diamonds (fairgrounds) so there would be lots of opportunity for me to rest as I needed.  It is a good thing too, because I needed lots – my heart is racing to keep up and it also tends to amp-up when I am stressed.  Yes, watching 12 year old boys play baseball is stressful for me these days, win or lose.  My resting heart rate during one of the games was 106, which triggered diarrhea, dizziness and nausea – so I only got to watch one inning.  I was thankful to have the comfort of home and still be a part of the team when I was able.

The boys played well, represented Port Perry well, but were eliminated from the tournament late Saturday afternoon.

It was in the wee hours of Sunday at 2:15am that I awoke to a husband writhing in pain, sweating, holding his chest, short of breath.  I checked his pulse – erratic.  Not a pain that he has ever experienced before.  Not indigestion like he has experienced before.  I probably waited too long as it was to assess the situation, but my brain doesn’t think quickly right now.

He had too many serious symptoms to ignore, so I made the decision to take him to the hospital.

At 2:30, I awoke Canyon to tell him I was taking Daddy to the hospital because he was “sick”.  I needed him to know, just in case we were gone a long time, also because he and his sister and her friend would be left alone in the trailer and he would be in “charge” should anyone wake and need us.  And I texted the Arnold trailer to let them know too, just in case the kids needed someone. The hospital was only .4km away.

It was scary.

Turns out they don’t mess around with chest pains at the hospital. They took him in right away and hooked him up to the EEG and did bloodwork, they had him rest and we waited for the Doctor.

They gave me a mask.  We were quite the pair.

Fortunately, it wasn’t a heart attack.  We don’t know what it was, but it wasn’t the big scary thing, that we thought it might be.  They gave him a shot for the pain, and as it subsided they did an ultra sound on his heart, his abdomen and his lungs.  The doctor felt that it could have been Costal Chondritis (from playing ball with the kids) or severe indigestion or stress/anxiety.  Regardless, he is to follow up with his family Doctor for further tests including a stress test this week.

Getting old sucks.

Shortly before 7am we returned to the trailer to find the kids still sleeping.  We both rested a bit, before packing up to head out to camp at our friend’s  cottage for their Annual Canada Day Celebration followed by our 14^th Anniversary on Tuesday.  It is a family weekend that the kids and adults all anticipate through the long winter months  and where awesome memories are made year after year.

Tim is still having chest “cramping” at irregular times, in which case he rests and lays flat to help ease whatever  “this” is.

I am worried about him.

And even though I am not ready yet, I am starting to pick up small pieces of life to help him out.  For instance, I went to the grocery store today…the first time in over 3 months.

Then I slept for 1.5 hours.

You know that old saying, “when it rains, it pours?”  Well, it is for us right now.  Thankfully, our village provides an amazing umbrella and we are definitely leaning in for cover.

Did I mention that Canyon has ringworm too?

Yep, more rain.

Xo, Juli