I turned every page with tears in my eyes. Tears of terror.
I can’t believe I am doing this.
I have bared my breasts to a room full of students who needed to learn breast massage in college.
I have bared my vagina to a room full of students at a Naturopathic College who needed to learn how to do a PAP smear.
I have shared intimate stories about my health journey through my blog.
But I have never, never, never, done anything as vulnerable as this.
Today, I signed off on printing my story. 1000 copies for the world to read. The inner workings of my messy and beautiful mind, heart and life out there for all the world to see. I’m not going to lie. I am terrified.
There will be critics and lovers; criticism and compliments, and all of it, I mean all of it, will reflect my personal struggles, my expression, my joys and triumphs. I can’t help but wonder if my skin is thick enough to handle what’s ahead?
I found myself sucked into my own words this morning as I re-read for the millionth time, words that I wrote: “The trick is that I just have to get out of my own way. Surrender. Let go of the story.”
Today, the story is no longer mine. It’s yours.
My gift to you.
If these lessons that I learned about life, love, relationships and health help even just one person, then all this work, all this terror, all those bugs were worth it.
So, I am feeling the terror. Feeling the fear in its full strength today AND doing it anyway.
IF you choose to read my words, be gentle with your heart. And mine too. For, in the grand scheme of life, we really are in this together.