Journal Entry #36
When the kids were little, Tim traveled a lot. And by a lot I mean 26+ weeks out of the year. It was hard when Canyon was born and even harder when Faith was born. They are only 15 months apart which meant two under two in diapers to complete our Million-Dollar-Family. With Tim traveling so much, it meant that I had to Mom hard. It also meant, that when Daddy was home, we made the most of those minutes.
My favorite memory of those chaotic years, isn’t one particular memory. It was a thing that happened when Daddy came home. Every. Time.
I would be busy in the kitchen, or folding laundry or sitting with the kids, and when Daddy would come through the door their squeals and laughs were epic. He would chase them, tickle them and play wrestle and they would eat up every minute wearing him out and begging for more.
I wish I could have bottled those laughs.
Lately Tim is home more, in a new job where there is less travel and more time for family and the kids. He coaches Canyon’s baseball team now, goes to school events and helps with running the kids to their extra-curricular activities. He helps with dishes and laundry and still plays catch, jumps on the trampoline and play wrestles with the kids. Their laughs are still music to my ears even at 11 and 12 years old. When we are out with friends and their kids, Tim is the first to gather them all together to play games or host a dance off– he is really a big kid himself!
Recently, Tim has been home every day. Things have been challenging here. It has been important to us that through all of this that the kids have minimal impact and that their routines stay as closely to normal as possible. Which as it turns out, is impossible with just one functioning parent. We have relied heavily upon the village, but this has taken its toll on all of us. That being said, this time together has been really important for our family. I think it has been a great example for the kids to see how capable Dads can be.
I’ll be the first to admit that I like control over the household.
As the last few months have unfolded, I have watched as Tim has picked up the pieces. Rose to the occasion when I simply cannot. Discipline, comfort, taxi, love, snuggle, organize, teach and parent at a whole new level. It isn’t that he was never capable of it before now, I just didn’t give him the room to do it. And for that, I am truly sorry.
We teach our partners how to treat us, how to exist in the same residence, how to love us and how to parent withus. And as life changes, those constructs have to change too. We are all constantly changing and evolving and it is important to be flexible in our relationships because our growth happens at different times and intervals. Tim and I are on a growth spurt right now…both of us. And this growth is creating room in our relationship and also within our family dynamic for new ways of being.
This is a good thing.
Parenting is hard. Even if you are not a parent, you had a parent, and can probably look back and see how hard it must have been for them. It takes grit, sacrifice, pain and a whole lot of love. We have all come to be who we are because of parents. Blood or not…we have all had teachers, influencers, adults and guardians that have been the shapers of our adulthood. We wouldn’t be where, who and what we are today without them.
Today, I honor Tim.
For the kind of man he is and the kind of man he is becoming. This isn’t an easy journey and even though he only shows me his strength, I know he is hurting too. Yet, he pushes through for the kids, for me and for our family. Today, I celebrate the man whom I love and the man that still elicits those precious giggles from the kids.
Thank you seems inadequate. I love you more than words can express. Tim, we are truly blessed to have you.