Journal Entry #83

It happened.

It happened to Alicia the first morning we woke up.  The likely culprit: a spider.  Then it happened to Tim.  Mosquitos, for sure.  Tim scratches in his sleep, so his look like burns now!

The bug nets on the beds are a false sense of security.  Yes, they keep the bugs out, but they also keep the bugs in.  Our bedrooms open to the pool deck with a small kitchenette between us, but none of the doors or windows seal up tightly. The wind seems to keep the bug activity low out here where we spend most of our time, mostly because the view is spectacular.  The bugs seem to be plentiful in our bathroom and bedroom or anywhere that the wind doesn’t threaten them.

We’ve been leaving our nets down during the day to make sure that nothing gets in there but often in the morning when I wake up there is the odd mosquito buzzing around, looking for flesh.  I am not as jumpy about bugs as I was last summer, proof that my work with Elliot through NLP and Hypnosis did help desensitize me.  I can see them and hear them around me and not freak out, but I do take to murdering them as quickly as I can.  Nevertheless, the panic isn’t there anymore.  Or at least it wasn’t.

Until it happened to me.

Last night, night four here in Bequia, was a full moon and we had planned to go to Keegan’s Beachside in Lower Bay for a full moon pig roast and beach bon fire.  I had been anxious all day about it because dawn and dusk are the most active times for Sand fleas and Sand flies.  Nevertheless, I gobbed on the bug spray, breathed my way through it and went along. 

It was a beautiful view on the patio, overlooking the bay and the massive luxury yachts floating in the ocean.  The bonfire was spectacular, and was only started once the moon began to rise over the mountain and came into view.  It was a massive fire!  People kept gathering, some for the Pig Roast and some for drinks, but it was clear that Keegan’s was the place to be last night.  As the DJ pumped out awesome mixes of tunes, we chatted, people watched and enjoyed an authentic meal of squash, potatoes, rice, fried plantains, pork, and a couple other unidentifiable things on the plate that were delicious too.  They have rich and lush soil here, and grow amazing vegetables.  I was so wrapped up in the ambiance of the night, that I didn’t realize that I had been bitten until I found myself scratching my knee.

And then my thumb.

And then my other knee.

Reapply.  Don’t panic. Don’t make a scene. Breathe. Stop scratching.  Ignore it. It’s all good.  Have another drink. Breathe some more.  Get control of the thoughts.

I am getting good at hiding the panic and anxiety…I can just let it simmer below the surface.  I don’t know if this is a good sign that I am coping, or a bad sign because I am adapting?

I’ve been using and applying 30deet bug spray multiple times a day.  I use Peppermint Oil as well on my neck and my feet.  I am using both Peppermint Oil and Thieves to spray in our bed at night and in our bathroom – both are natural bug deterrents.  Tim has been using the Afterbite and Peppermint Oil to take the sting out of his bites so I immediately do the same when the first bites appear… but not until we get back to the house.  I only carry bug spray to “prevent” the bites – I wasn’t prepared for the possibility that I WOULD be bitten.

I don’t know what bit me.  But it is itchy as hell.

I know not to scratch, not to open the flesh to be exposed to other bacteria.  I really had to force myself not to scratch.  Just to feel the itch and let it be.

Finally I found relief when I dabbed the Peppermint Oil on it.  I did a thorough check of our bed before getting into it last night.  I reapplied the bug spray “just in case” before going to sleep and I made sure the bug netting was pulled tight around our bed.  I also doubled up on the ‘valium’ tincture and on the Apis and Ledum before bed.

I can’t help but feel well prepared for this.  Dr. Katrina said it would happen, but she also prepared me for what to do when it did. I found myself in a weird head space and I talked myself around the block, but eventually, I fell asleep with partial worry for what might transpire from these bites, but more gratitude for being prepared physically, mentally and emotionally.

Like bugs in Belize, the reality is that if I were infected by something through these bites, I likely won’t know for days, weeks or even months down the road.

I guess, I will just have to wait and see.

Fingers crossed.

Xo Juli