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August 5, 2019

Holding Space

Journal Entry #52

Have you ever been in a situation where everything seems to move in slow motion as you wait?  Wait for test results?  Wait for a loved one to come home?  Wait for word after an accident?  Wait for a baby to be born?  Wait for news?  Wait for your friend to wake up after a double lung transplant?

Waiting sucks.

Our Wonder Woman Cherie, got a new set of lungs on Monday July 29.  What a relief…all the waiting and suffering…the anticipation…the knowledge that in order for her to survive, another will have to perish.  What a conundrum of emotions that both Cherie and her family have been stewing in.

I can’t even begin to imagine.

I, along with hundreds of others, have been praying hard for her to get a set of lungs.  And oh, the relief I felt when I heard that she got the call.  But, in all my praying, I never considered what the 8+ hour surgery and the post-surgical state would look like for her.  I didn’t anticipate waiting…and patience…at a whole new level.

It has been a week today, and Cherie is still sleeping.

Although the post-op hasn’t gone according to Plan A, by all accounts she is healing slowly and moving in the right direction.  Every day, the outlook is a little more promising, a little more encouraging and feels a little closer to having her with us again.

For friends and I, we have been on edge, pins and needles, checking in regularly for updates, waiting…praying…waiting…praying…waiting…and it is so hard.  I can’t imagine how much more intense this must be for Joel and the kids.

I.Can’t. Even.

So, prayer for me has looked different this week.  I mean, who am I to assume  that I know what to pray for and what Cherie and her family need? How can I know what to ask for, for them?  I haven’t walked in their shoes through this process, and I’m not a doctor so I don’t know the intricacies of healing from a lung transplant.  So, I found myself asking this week – if I don’t know what they need, how can I pray for them?  What a helpless feeling.

Helpless.

All it takes is for us to ask the question though.  My heart had an answer.  At first it was obscure…but like anything these days, the more I chewed on it, the more it made sense.

My heart said surrender.

I think when shitty things happen in life, our natural tendency is to hold on for dear life.  We grasp at every little thing and hang on to every word and begin to attach to the situation and then to the outcome.  We become personally invested in the outcome and then take on responsibilities for situations that were never ours to begin with.  We fight battles that aren’t ours, hold pain for others, stress, worry and even suffer, when the reality is that we have no control over the outcome in the end anyway.  It seems like a total waste of energy.  There must be a way, a better way, to handle the stresses that we face in life?

Surrender.

So, my prayers for Cherie sound more like this today:

Divine,

Be with Cherie, support her in whatever ways are appropriate for her Soul.  I trust that there is a plan of healing Spiritually, Mentally, Emotionally and Physically for her. Her path is her path and I ask that you surround her with all that she needs, in all dimensions of time and space to reconfigure, recalibrate so that she may find her way. I pray that she both receives and accepts the gift of life that she has been given. I ask that Joel and the kids may feel the love and support of their family and friends and that they have access to that which they need as they go through this process.  I don’t see the bigger picture of this event as it is occurring, but I trust that we are all learning and growing and coming together in a way that honors Cherie.  Please send all that is perfectly appropriate to Cherie and her family at this time so that they may find peace and all else that they need.  And so it is.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to hold space for someone.

Energetically, we want to hold higher frequency  emotions and thoughts for those that we love when they are going through difficult things.  That EXCLUDES worry, stress, fear, guilt, shame, embarrassment etc.  When we resonate with the lower frequencies, we attract more of the lower frequencies to ourselves and the situations.  Our thoughts and our feelings are like little magnets that draw more of the same to us.  Universal Law – like attracts like. Conversely, if we hold the higher frequencies, love, reverence, surrender, understanding, reason, peace etc. we attract more of the same.

Holding space, means that we sit in a place of non-judgement…a place resonating with the higher frequencies.  It is true that we can only hold one frequency at a time. When we are in a state of love, fear cannot exist.  When we are in a state of peace, worry cannot exist.  To hold space for someone else, we must release our attachments to the outcome and find an authentic place of optimism.  Holding space, means that we are not faking it.

The space we hold others in is sacred, it is special and whole and has no room for anything other than complete reverence.

Robin Roberts says, “Optimism is like a muscle that gets stronger with use. When you want to build a muscle, you’ve got to keep using it.  I am an eternal optimist and so I can find those little silver linings, those little moral victories. It takes courage to believe that the best is yet to come.”

Optimism and Gratitude is a wonderful entry point to holding space. They don’t come natural to all of us, but when we find the silver lining and can find something to be grateful for, the door to holding space is held open for us.  It takes practice, dedication and yes, Courage.  I think many of us stay in worry and stress because it is comfortable.  It is predictable.  We know those feelings so well that it has become comfortable to dwell there. Optimism and hope and gratitude are fluid emotions and each time we feel them it can be different, unpredictable…and it can lead to change.  Change can create worry and more stress and if we choose that path, we perpetuate unhealthy cycles.

We must choose the path of Optimism and Gratitude in order to hold authentic space for those that we love.  It means that we must choose to tap into our own courage instead of worry and fear.  We must get out of our own way, do our own work, to make room within ourselves to hold authentic space for those that we love.

That is how we help when we feel helpless.

We take a moment and look at how we are reacting, scan our own energy to see how we are feeling, and then we make adjustments to how we are showing up in the world.

After all, the only thing we have control over is how we choose to act and re-act to life as it unfolds around us.

Cherie, Joel and family, from a space of complete reverence, may you all have all that is perfectly appropriate for your journey today. May you know, in your own sacred place of knowing, that you are so very, very loved.

Xo, Juli

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