*View with discretion, you can’t un-see these pictures.*
Journal Entry #27
8 more days…
I’m in a funny, not-funny healing cycle. The doctors want my feet up higher than my heart for no less than 8 hours a day. Keeping them elevated helps decrease the inflammation. But it also makes it harder on my body to pump the blood and the Miltefosine to the ulcer on my foot so that it can heal. It is a delicate cycle and makes healing foot wounds very difficult. Dr. Bogglid thinks it could be another 12-24 weeks before the ulcer on my foot resolves, closes and heals.
Scarring is most definitely expected.
Today, when I looked at the wound, I see visible evidence that the wound is changing on the foot. The edges have flattened out and pulled tighter. Where it only a few days ago look like a crater, the inside of the wound now sits higher than the edges. It is like it has inverted itself. I have pain in the joints of the big toe, and in the ankle. There is still a “root” of either inflammation or internal ulcers along the lymph vessels on the anterior ankle as well. The pain is no longer constant stinging/tearing, but a burning sensation with moments of sharp knife-like pain in the center of the ulcer.
The wounds on my left hand and forearm are benefiting from the Medihoney. I only change those bandages every 24 hours, but they appear to be coming along slow and steady. I don’t have any pain at those sites, unless they are bumped or pressurized.
The rest of the symptoms I am experiencing are all related to the Miltefosine. Cramping, Hot flashes, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, headaches, dropped thoughts, mouth sores, fatigue. And because I am horizontal so much lately, and walking with an altered gait, I have developed spasms in my deep hip flexors. The cannabis helps with almost all of these symptoms.
I am excited to be working with Dr. Katrina, a Naturopath who looks at the big picture, specializes in the “weird” cases and likes to think outside the box. She has come highly recommended by some of my clients, and her approach to treatment of the whole body – mind connection is very appealing to me. Her earth science and plant medicine approach is very much in alignment with my mindset. Our work together fits into three categories.
First, she is supporting me through the side effects of the Miltefosine and supplementing the Miltefosine to work more effectively at the same time. I am wearing acupressure tacks to help decrease the nausea and headaches. The tacks haven’t taken the nausea away completely, but it has taken the sharp edge off that was lasting all day and all night. Today, I really just had about 4 hours of violent spasms, vomiting and diarrhea…so that is an improvement. I am using a mushroom powder (Agaricus) to alleviate the gut intolerance, it also supports optimal functioning of the internal organs and provides antioxidants to my depleted cells. I have to choke it down – there is nothing nice about this mushroom.
Who knew I would be doing weed and ‘shrooms at the same time!?
We have added omega 3 and garlic into my morning and evening routines, as there have been studies indicating that garlic has parasite-fighting qualities. I have developed mouth sores over the last week, so I am rinsing with an aloe and marshmallow tincture – it is disgusting, but it is working. The Medihoney is helping with the healing of the ulcers, and I am using it in my nose where the bugs had started to eat. They aren’t eating there anymore, the tissue is healing. My electrolytes are low due to the vomiting and diarrhea, so its Himalayan salts added to my water, Pedialyte, chia seeds, green tea and probiotics to help there. My blood work came back today, and I am extremely low in Vitamin D…she has now upped me to 6000iu of Vitamin D daily. Also, a B complex and Deep Immune to support me internally.
Secondly, Dr. Katrina is referencing the biochemical structure of Miltefosine as she creates a detox plan moving forward. Although a formal detox won’t start for 6 months post treatment, we will begin little things within a few weeks of finishing to help get my energy and strength back to a manageable level.
Thirdly, we will work together to create and maintain a healthy immune system moving forward. It is important that I have a wellness plan in place in order to avoid reoccurrence. Dr. Katrina looks at the body from a DNA level, to see what genes are turned on and which ones are not. She has taken the raw data codes from my DNA sample and found that I have a few “weak” spots in my genetic make-up. For instance, the gene required for Vitamin D uptake and storage in my body is not turned on. This means that I am unable to store Vitamin D. When she noticed this, she ordered blood work to check my levels…and sure enough, I am dangerously low. It makes sense since I have suffered SAD from October- May for many years. There are other genes that we will learn to balance out and supplement from the root level as we go forward. I am really excited about this part of the journey to optimal health.
For those of you who know me, you will know that I am investigating the link between the body mind connection. Many of you have asked me “why did this happen?” or “why did you get infected but none of the others did?” I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t asked myself the same question. But the truth is, I really haven’t dwelled in it. I am not sure I need to know the why of why this is happening – because I believe everything happens for a reason. And I believe that those reasons will reveal themselves when I am ready. I am definitely learning lessons along the way. And I am being moved to an even healthier way of being and into more self discovery. But, it is important to me to look at the emotional components and pieces of self that perhaps have been disconnected or neglected during my 40 years upon this earth, or perhaps even beyond that.
For this part of my journey, I am working with a Shaman.
She has, through ceremony and journey work on her own and with me, done energy extraction and balancing, and soul retrieval work. It is a very interesting and a deeply personal medicine. Not all of it makes sense to the logical or scientific mind but I can’t deny that the rattles and the drums are a medicine unto themselves. The other day, I felt like pieces of me were being plugged back in. There is an odd familiarity to the journeys which I find very comforting. I have taken some workshops myself in Shamanism over the years, and know at a core level that this is a medicine that heals in a way that drugs and herbs can’t. There is a sacredness in the journeys themselves, and I am journaling these experiences separately from here…I feel like there is a power in the sacredness of what is revealed, and sharing it at this time doesn’t feel appropriate.
I am also spending a lot of time in prayer and meditation. Faith is an important part of my daily practice, and through this journey, I am deepening my relationship with Divine. I am seeing Divine work though all of you and I am really moved by the presence of love and kindness everywhere I look. Some days, if we were to turn on the news and didn’t look around, we would think that evil and darkness is the stronger current in life. I don’t think it is though. I just think that those are the things that get reported, that create gossip and news and hysteria and worry and fear and all the things that make us sick…and tired. There is a stronger current at play in this world…love and kindness…and I think that it is getting stronger every day. I think that more of us are getting tired of the same old, same old. I think more of us are stepping out of those old ways of thinking and being and slipping into something new and beautiful…and man, does the world ever need us right now.
One of Dot’s favorite meditations was the Loving Kindness Meditation. In her memory, Erin Clark (Music Therapist) and Roger Watson (Producer) and I, got together and recorded a version of this meditation to share with the world. If you have a few minutes today, why not have a listen? You can watch or it’s a free download under the shop tab on this website, our gift to you.
The physical healing of my body is important. The emotional healing is important. The spiritual healing is important. I can’t heal one without addressing the others. I am not discouraged with the slow healing process. Like any change in life, the sudden quick fixes don’t generate lasting change. When change and healing is gradual, generative and recognized on all levels, it sticks. Not like gum on the bottom of your shoe kinda stuck…more like chrysalis into cocoon…and we all know what happens next.