*You can’t un-see these pictures. Proceed with caution.*
Journal Entry 15
Today is day 11 of taking the Miltefosine and so far so good. Other than feeling nauseous this morning, I am extremely tired. It amazes me how much sleep I am requiring these days. But obviously my body needs it.
This morning I decided to reflect upon the last few months in regards to the progress of the wounds, specifically the foot wound. And I was blown away. I guess that as I was seeing it day to day changing the bandages, that I didn’t notice how much it has coalesced. But this morning, I realized that I needed a bigger bandage than what I had cut, so I knew it had grown again.
And by that I mean, more flesh missing.
I think I get caught up in the day to day goings on that I forget sometimes to take a step back and look at the bigger picture in life. Again in my microcosm, I find correlation to the macrocosm of life. I put my head down, work hard, focus to get things done and go about the day to day grind. Reflection is important. When I go one day at a time, I lose the bigger picture and the interconnectedness of life. Right now, I as I pause to reflect, so much life has happened in the last few months.
Life moves at lightning speed, doesn’t it?
A few weeks ago, I turned 40. It wasn’t how I thought I would spend my 40thbirthday, but it all worked out in a beautiful way anyway. I didn’t get dressed for the day…in fact, I don’t know if I even brushed my teeth. Sara and Alicia came for a visit and we chatted about life and our upcoming joint party. My brother and his family came for a lasagna dinner (thank you Laura Lee for an amazing meal) and ice cream. My nieces are grossed out that I have bugs living in my skin! Then Jill came for a visit after dinner, all the while, I didn’t move off the couch for longer than 10 minutes at a time. I didn’t get to have a glass of vintage Red (my favorite), but I did get to spend the day with people that I love and who love me.
This past weekend was our joint 40thBirthday Party at the Legion. Sara, Alicia and I have been friends for 25+years, and all turned 40 in April. Our husbands got together (on Valentine’s Day, of all days), decided that a joint celebration would be awesome, and they planned and executed the whole thing. We were told to dress fancy for the event but little did we know that they had asked everyone else to dress as if they were 80 years old…so that we would look and feel like the youngest ones there. There were balloons, cookies and cupcakes, flashy lights and a DJ…the hubbies did a fine job indeed!
As I was getting dressed and putting on my makeup, I realized that I had put more thought into using flesh colored bandages and dressing my wounds than I did into my outfit and hair. Tim and I had a serious debate over Depends…for real…I finally put my foot down and promised not to shit myself in public. As I packed a spare pair of underwear (just in case), tums, chap stick and grabbed my cane to go…I couldn’t help but laugh…not at all how I expected to spend my 40th Birthday.
I drank water from a wine glass and visited with friends who good naturedly dressed “old” with canes and walkers…so I fit right in!! It’s funny that it worked out that way…the boys had planned that part of the party long before we knew the progression and state that I would be in. Sara, Alicia and I all had family, joint friends and personal friends that came out to celebrate with us. Although the party carried on until after 1pm, I called it a night at 10 when my body called it quits. It should be noted that Sara outlasted all of us – she won! But I must say that it was a great night because we were all together celebrating our friendship.
We never know what twists and turns life is going to take and for me the important thing is choosing how I am going to navigate those twists and turns. The truth is, the road of life is going to bend, there isn’t a straight shot to our destination…we are all, at some point going to have to navigate our way. I am finding that as I navigate this bend, it is easier to go with the flow and accept that life is what it is right now, than to fight the traffic by being resentful or angry that this is happening. It is just a bend in the road, a blip in the bigger picture of my life, and that is okay.
One day, I am sure I will step back and reflect and understand why this period of growth happened. In my experience, some of my best memories start with “There was this one time…”
One day, I am sure that this will be a “story” that will be one of the great ones.